Strength
by Jyoti
Summary: "Because the only person that could give her ALL the strength she needed was the ALL knowing God himself." Grace's thoughts as she goes through the grief of losing her father, and how she recovers from that.


**Strength **

Grace was lying in her bed, hiding herself in her covers as she cried. She couldn't believe that her father was gone. She had never experienced the feeling of hurt to this degree in her entire life. When she first received the news, she stood there shocked for a good hour, and when the words began to sink into her head, the tears came gushing out. Not only was she crying because of the death of her father, but because of what she had done. An image of her and Jack kissing each other on the bed she was crying in at the moment began to flash into her head, and that only made her cry harder. She couldn't think of a feeling as terrible as the one she was feeling at the moment. The feeling of being responsible for the death of someone who helped create you. The feeling of being responsible for the death of a loved one. The guilt consumed her entire body. The tears wouldn't stop. Her body shook violently, and the only thing that she could focus on was the pain.

She smothered her face into her pillow as she tried to quiet her sobs. The voices in her head wouldn't stop. They were a constant reminder of what she had done. She cried out for her father, but she knew that he wasn't coming back. He was never coming back, she kept thinking. He was forever gone, and all she had of him now were memories.

And then the second part of her grief came. The anger.

When the tears had finally stopped, the anger quickly filled her entire body. That was the day that Jack came and tried to speak to her. She didn't want to see him for two reasons. For one, seeing him reminded her of everything that they did that night, and even though somewhere deep in her heart she still loved him, she knew that what they did was wrong, as well as the reason she chose do it. Secondly, although she knew it was wrong to hate someone, she still hated Jack. She hated that he had sex Adrian and she hated that he never tried to stop her from having sex with him. That hatred quickly spread. She not only hated Jack, but she hated herself as well. She hated what she did, and she couldn't help but feel like a waste of space. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that she wasn't a waste because from what she had read in the Bible, God created everyone for a reason. But right now, that reason was unclear. "_Because what could God possibly want with someone like me?_ _I'm not worth anything...not anymore." _

By the time the funeral came around Grace was sitting in the car, refusing to get out and actually go through with the funeral. She didn't feel worthy anymore. She couldn't face these people. All she could imagine was the terrible things that people would say about her if she attended the funeral. The fear crept into her body, and it prevented her from getting out of the car. Everyone tried to convince Grace that everything was ok, but she knew that it was all a lie. Because nothing was ok anymore. Everything was turned upside down, and she couldn't imagine things ever being ok again. She missed her father. All she wanted was for her father to come back and hug her. All of the arguments that her and Marshall had came flooding back into her memory, and that only caused her to feel even worse.

And then the third part of her grief came. Nothing.

Absolutely nothing. She felt nothing. She was tired. She was too tired to be angry, she was too tired to be sad. She was too tired to feel, and if she was being honest she didn't want to feel. She didn't want to feel happiness, sadness, anger, nothing. And as she continued to sit in that car, thinking of nothing, and feeling nothing, Ricky opened the door.

He snapped her out of that third part of her grief. He made her feel _something. _He made her feel the grief, the anger, the guilt, and the sadness all over again. But he also made her realize something. And it was this: Grace certainly couldn't handle this grief on her own. She needed somebody. She needed somebody who was strong enough to take her burdens and her grief away so that she could get out of that car, and go to her father's funeral and pray respects to him. And that's when she realized who she needed. God.

So she gave it all to him. She told God her deepest feelings and emotions, and she gave Him all of her burdens. She leaned on Him for support as she followed behind Ricky and got out of that car. She leaned on him for strength as she talked about her father at the funeral. Because the only person that could give her ALL the strength she needed was the ALL knowing God himself.

**A/N: **I want you guys to know that Broken will most likely be updated once I get out of school. I need to focus on finals and stuff so I really don't have the time. But this summer I'll finish up that story, and then I'll dedicate most of my time to Breaking Barriers (the fanfic I started writing about Tom Bowman a while back). Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this. It's really heard to pick yourself up again when you're feeling so much pain.


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